It's Christmas eve, and all is calm... ok, no, not really everyone is out shopping and buying last-minute gifts and crap they don't need. I am ignoring the masses ignore the reason for the holiday and ignoring it myself, I would suppose. I am just a sinner, after all.
Catch the Christmas spirit already
I walk down the stairs in my garage and get in my badass ride. We have run out of allergy medication, and I need to get it. Half asleep and half in deep thought, I pull out into traffic and notice that my car is just as badass as I exclaimed it to be.
It is more than a car to me.
It wakes me up, makes me energized and happy to be driving. The power being sent to the ground lurches me into happiness, awareness, and just a little euphoria. I admit I am truly a car guy. Trucks are nice, SUV's are convenient and quite comfortable. But the raw horsepower and torque of my Mustang GT peels away the negative thoughts and makes everything ok again. That is until I get to Sam's Club, there I am confronted once again with the harsh reality that the world is still populated with people that have different interests than my own.
I make my rounds through the samples; you know the free discombobulated breakfast offered at these big box clubs that make you feel important, grab my allergy pills, and start towards the door. Then the inevitable, I meet one, two, and then three folks that want to talk to me. I don't mind; after all, I like to talk a little too much if compared to others in this world. But then I look at my watch. OH CRAP! It's almost One! I have to be at the theater for the Star Wars!
I didn't really want to see this movie. I really didn't want to see any of the other Star Wars movies. Well, except for the first three, or the middle three... whatever. I am more of a Star Trek kinda guy and not so much a Star Wars Nerd. Yeah, you read correctly, I didn't call myself a Star Trek Nerd. Trekkies and Trekkers are Star Trek nerds. I am neither. I just prefer Star Trek over Star Wars. Trust me, anything that was made before season six of The Next Generation could be erased from time, and I wouldn't be too upset. I could say the same for about fifty percent of the latest stuff in the Star Trek canon. Kind of like the prequels in the Star Wars Universe for a lot of the folks. If it isn't good, well, it just isn't good.
From the beginning, I got the feeling that the film was trying to reclaim the feel of the first three (or middle three) films. The menacing death star, the overwhelming power and commanding presence of Darth Vader, the innocence of Luke, and the everyday life of living on what seems to be a wild frontier. It tried, but it failed. I mean it had glimpses of the right juice but just as it was about to find it's way the director threw in terrible dialogue, questionable characters with no direction and off the wall things like cute little beings or droids reacting to situations with innocent indignation.
Think about the relationship between R2 and C-3PO. They were not cute, cuddly droids just innocently making their way through the universe. They were sarcastic on the verge of being rancid towards each other. C-3PO even slaps R2 multiple times, and R2 laughs at his companion's folly continuously. None of which happens in this movie. The reality has been stripped away and replaced with gooey friendliness and Disney-esque "Ohana." Even Stitch was onery and quite risque under all his family and love.
This is supposed to be a movie about grit and powering through the worst things possible. But this movie, and the other two, seem to be more interested in being cute and modern instead of being what they indeed should be, a Hero's Journey.
The Rise of Skywalker is not a must-see. It is a solid Must Rent if only to be able to keep up with the office conversations and small talk at group dinners.
The plot is shattered into parts that any sixth-grader could come up with, unintelligible plot twists and no unexpected ending. Throughout the film, characters restate objectives even though everyone on screen and in the audience knows exactly what needs to be done. Characters reappear in scenes only because they are cute regardless of actual reasons for their appearance.
The only thing this movie has that is interesting is the grand set pieces. The visuals are fantastic and overwhelming in the right way. Cinematically, it is quite good. Theatrically, it is kind of a turd. At one point, they land on the island of the Valkyrie. It was overwhelmingly underwhelming and quite cliche. In fact, that scene was probably the only scene where Abrams screwed up on the visuals. I am cool with our characters being saved by women, I am perfectly fine with women having the masculine lead. It was this particular shot. It is hideous and evident that it was shot to make a point about gender and had nothing to do with forwarding the story. Once that scene was over, and the next grand stage was rolled out, I was excellent. The actress did a great job with the role, and I enjoyed watching her. Just not that one camera shot.
Top it off with a villain that has no reason to exist other than to be defeated, and you have a movie that only exists to separate fanboys and girls from their money. At no time was I ever challenged in a meaningful way by the film. Everything was always the way it should be, and that's a bad thing. Network Television has better stories every night (unless you only get the new Magnum P.I.) that will entertain you more.