The Dark Side Of Being with The Mental Health Comedian Frank King

There have always been taboo subjects that no one wants to talk about in public. In the modern age, many of these once-taboo subjects are now out in the open. The free discourse of thought is something that our modern minds have become used to.

Yet there is one subject that no one wants to talk about. The one thing that is responsible for more deaths every year than automobile accidents, War, and Natural disasters combined. Easily preventable and often the last thing on anyone’s mind.

The questions I have is: Why is it not talked about, why are they overwhelmingly male, and why are we not paying closer attention?

Today Andrea and I are joined by Frank King, ,  a former writer on The Tonight Show for 20 years, a Corporate Comedian, syndicated humor columnist, and podcast personality who was featured on CNN's Business Unusual.

 He is a Suicide Prevention and Postvention Public Speaker and Trainer.

Depression and suicide run his family. He's thought about killing himself more times than he can count. He's fought a lifetime battle with depression, and thoughts of ending his life, turning that long dark journey of the soul into a TED Talk, "A Matter of Laugh or Death," www.FrankTEDTalk.com, and sharing his lifesaving insights on Mental and Emotional Health Awareness, with corporation, association, youth (middle school and high school), and college audiences www.TheSuicidePreventionSpeaker.com.

As an Inspirational and Motivational Public Speaker and Trainer, he uses the life lessons from the above, as well as lessons learned as a rather active consumer of healthcare, both mental and physical, to start the conversation giving people who battle Mental and Emotional Illness permission to give voice to their feelings and experiences surrounding depression and suicide and to create a common pool of knowledge in which those who suffer, and those who care about them, can swim.

If you have thoughts of suicide, you can text "home" to 741741 or visit the website crisistextline.org or call 988 to speak to someone.

You can even Call Frank King himself anytime you feel you need someone to talk to @ 858.405.5653 or email frank@thementalhealthcomedian.com.

TRANSCRIPT

0:15

There have always been taboo subjects that no one wants to talk about in public free discourse of thought is something that our modern minds have become used to. Yet there is one subject that no one wants to talk about. One thing that is responsible for more deaths every year than automobile accidents, war and natural disasters combined. What's an easily preventable and often the last thing on anyone's mind? The questions that I have is this Why is it not talked about? Why are they overwhelmingly male? And why are they not paying closer attention? Why are we. Not paying closer attention? So today, Andrea and I are joined by Frank King, a former writer on The Tonight Show. He spent 20 years doing that. I can't even get 2 minutes to tell a bad joke and be kicked out. I don't even have that opportunity. But that's okay. A corporate comedian, syndicated humor columnist and a podcast personality who was featured on CNN's Business as Usual and a TED Talker, which is pretty cool. Also, a suicide prevention and post vention. Public Speaker and trainer, Mr. Frank King. How are you doing today? I am surfing the crazy. The surfer, the crazy. You're not supposed to be talking to me. Not on the web. What do you surf it for over there? No. No surf that people ask. How are you doing, man? I'm surfing. The great is everything. You know what it is? Is that I used to say that I find depression and that is not accurate. Fight implies I could win and I can. I win. I can lose and kill myself. I can tie sort of an uneasy truce like North and South Korea. Yeah, but there. Is no Jim Kim or whatever your name is now. Yes, Kim Jong un. Yeah, no, I just I figured I. It's like the martial art aikido, if you're familiar. Oh, is that the stick fighting? No, it's. It's actually the bone and joint manipulation. And rather than oppose your opponent's attack, you blend with their energy, you know, and you spin them in a circle, and then you reverse and take after you take their balance. And the idea is not to oppose the force, but to blend with it. That's why I say I surf the crazy, because I just get the wave knowing that my cycle 72 hours for depression and you know, within about three days I'll be back to flying level. So I think a lot of us who are somewhat into the entertainment business because even though, you know, I'm fairly unknown person, I do work in the entertainment business and I think it's just kind of par for the course for folks like us too, because I'd. Say. Donald McDonald, comedian Canada years ago, said there are two kinds of comedians diagnosed and undiagnosed. That's pretty much what it is. So, Andrea, you have a little bit of experience on the medical side of of this. What what's your what's the medical horror portion of this? I was always curious because you mentioned to me earlier that doctors should be taking, you know, at your annual checkup. You should have the questionnaire. Yeah, it's strange because I mean, I suffer from depression and take it medications for years and adjustments and had issues. But every year, wellness visit. Hand me this piece of paper. Fill this out and hand it to your doctor. Check it, and then we go over it. And then that's the end of it. But I kept thinking, do they not hand this to every. I've never gotten one in my. Life. And then when you said that you never had one, I was like, What do you mean? And I was like, I have never practiced as a nurse. Was this paired to physician in the clinic? So I don't know how that works, but it's definitely opened up a lot of doors for me to want to ask questions, especially my profession when I can actually kind of like have more of a candid conversation with the physician. I kind of want to ask that question like, Hey, why are we not asking this to every single person that comes in for a wellness visit? I mean, you know, for me, I worked in ICU. So if someone's having a crisis, usually they go to the ICU because there's one on one observation. And usually, I'll be honest, from what I can remember before we came on, I kept thinking, How many male patients can I remember having? And it's a few, but most of them are women. And I kept thinking, Well, standard of care is if you're having some problems and you're suicidal before they send you somewhere, you come to the ICU and you hang out with me until we have a place to go. It just makes me wonder, like, why is it not? Why is it not discussed or addressed? I mean, I don't know. I know I don't get it. I don't understand. And it's kind of what's the insight that you have about that? I mean, this is something you have more knowledge about this stuff than either one of us do. Uh, why is that? Do you know? Well, they are supposed to your physician every visit, whether it's for the well checkup or whatever they're supposed to ask you to. Gateway questions. One, I think there's something about taking the less interest in social activities. And two is, have you felt hopeless in the last two weeks? And if you say yes to either one of those, then they're supposed to ask seven follow up questions that the questionnaire she's talking about, Andrew's talking about. But my physician never did. He didn't really know he mentioned depression till I did. One day I said, look, I need some antidepressants. And he said, Why? And I said, Because I can tell you with the barrel of the gun, tastes like, oh, geez. And and that's true, actually, I should point out to the audience, I did not I didn't pull the trigger. Obviously not. But the suppose to ask that every time. And but here's the thing he's busy. He's working on a large practice. They got a waiting room full of people. They're only allowed X number of minutes per visit and I would guess that he really doesn't want to know the answer. If it happens to be, yes, I'm depressed and suicidal. Yeah. So, yeah, it's it's too bad it should be asked. Never never been asked those questions, ever. But maybe when I was admitted to the emergency room once or twice. Well, honestly, when you're like I would do a these admit questions on patients and I'll be honest and it's I'll just fall on my sword when I say this. You've got like X amount of patients. No excuse. You're just trying to get this person vetted so you could take care of God. Down the hall was having problems. You rattle off those questions and you don't really stop it. Give the patient time to think and I know the emergency room is especially probably during COVID, they probably do zip through a lot of that. And sometimes nurses honestly forgot to ask them, I'm being honest here, it's not right, but it's just kind of what happens. But it just I know I'm in my job. I've just I help physicians in their documentation. It's a long whole their story. But basically I'm learning about ambulatory type stuff and the physicians clinics and things like that. And I'm looking at physician schedules to look at the documentation and I'm like 15 minutes for a checkup. You get 15 minutes. That's not enough. That's not like, what, in 30 minutes for someone who's a new patient, I'm like, what do you heard in these people in like cattle? I mean, they don't. They had 175 to $275 a pop. With your co-pay, you pay 25 bucks, but yet it's actually two 200 to $300 for your visit. Nobody sees that portion of it either, which is a whole nother podcast about a whole other thing. But, you know, whatever. I just was totally baffled by that because I was kind of like in a society where we are now, we're we're always talking about people's mental health. And it's more talked about in the schools because my kids are more aware of it. They're teenagers. So that's probably the population where they want to bring it up the most. But it's like. Why always depressed teenagers? Yeah, it's a whole other podcast on that one, but it's like, why are we not? Why are we not talking to is with men? I don't I'm so mind blown by this. Well, we were all John Wayne for a very long time, you know. I mean, go ahead. Oh, yes. Well, a couple things. One, not only do they have 15 minutes, Andrea, they they have something now called, you know, this electronic medical record, the EMR or. Yep. And so used to when you went see the physician, he was sitting across, you know, stool and staring you in the face, watching for your reactions. And, you know, nowadays his face is in the computer on a computer screen because he's entering your information, because it's required by law to keep electronic medical records. And so not only is is the appointment shorter, he's not really paying attention. Like you said, he or he's just asking the questions and inputting them, not watching your face for micro-expressions and see if you're lying. You know, it's okay. Well, men. Yeah. Man. That's why we wrote a four book series on men's mental health because eight of ten people who die by suicide at this moment are men and generally 45, 54 years old, mostly Caucasian. And it's in part because they call it toxic masculinity. But I'm from the South. I grew up there. I think the term Big Boys Don't Cry is far more. Yeah. Illustrative. Yeah, that's what we called it when I was a kid. Yeah. And so they don't reach out for help. Yeah. I'm from Arkansas and grew up with my half of my time being spent in Stuttgart, Arkansas, which is the Delta, basically. So I totally understand what you're saying. And the, you know, men don't tend to reach out for help. That's true. And example, construction has the highest rate of suicide of any occupation. And people go, why is it? Well, mostly because it's heavily male. It's mostly men and it's tough guys. Yeah. Or supposed to be tough guys anyway. Yeah. And they, they believe they're expected to be dead. Right. And every year and every year in construction, roughly a thousand people die by accident. Roughly 5000 die by suicide. You are five times more likely to have to jump off the building than you are to fall off it. It's crazy. Yep. Huh. Wow. It's a living. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. But it's, you know, it drives me crazy because, you know, you could still be a man and admit you're having failures. You could still be a man and have weakness. Because just because you're weak for the moment doesn't mean you're weak all the time. And it's it's weird. The guy like me, when you get to know me, you realize that I'm probably one of the manliest men you ever met. But I will sit here and talk to you about my feelings at a drop of a hat. True. And I'll be honest about my feelings. Most men aren't. Yeah, and I don't understand why men can't do that. I don't know. I don't. I think it's lack of confidence because I'm. I don't scared anything. It doesn't make a shit to me what's going on and I made a vow a long time ago that I'm going to do everything once within reason. And if I like it, I'm going to do it again, you know? Well, it's cultural. It's you know, men were raised that way. Most men will raise anyway. It's like the same reason that there are certain groups, cultural groups, where they have a high rate of suicide of African-American, Native American, Alaskan, American, Japanese. Japanese. They're, uh, I mean, they're in Japan. There's a suicide forest. They had, like, 10,000 people a year going there to kill themselves. Yes. And it's in part because they in these groups, they don't normally come out as depressed or mentally ill to their friends and family. It's just not part of the culture. Right. I've got a friend who is a comedian after starting a comedy career, helped to start our speaking career. We helped to get a telex and she she lives with schizoaffective disorder. She's had three suicide attempts and that's what she did, her TED accent. And her mother was serious, you know, in our community, her mom said, we don't talk about that. And my friend goes, That's exactly why I did it. Yeah, because I cannot be the only one. So. Exactly. So it's like I told my, my coworker the other day when we were talking about our our business. And, you know, he says the biggest problem we have is communication. And I said, yes, it's very biggest problem we have is communication. But you know what? We just don't talk about that. Nicely done. So I got a question for you. I'm a single mother and I have two boys and two girls. And my oldest son is predominately a lot with his father in Texas because that's where he wanted to be. And he would I would always kind of encourage him to be honest and talk about the way he feels and kind of things like that, because his father is kind of gruff and tough and you know that really well. He makes. It read. And what to the little kid, whatever that's. But anyways, I, I very much wanted my son to be able to be open with how he felt and not be afraid because growing up I was not allowed to ever talk about anything. We weren't allowed to cry. If you're a girl, you have to suck it up. You're a boy, you have to suck it up. This is how it is. So I didn't want him to be that way. So what advice would you give to people in my situation as a single mom with boys, especially because they're having to like be a mom and a dad and how would you help them talk about mental health? I think having this conversation with him is not, you know, age appropriate. Of course. Yeah. That that oftentimes men and boys don't talk about the way they feel because they you know, if they're feeling emotional, it's it's sort of, you know, bred into you that you don't show that your big boys don't cry. But that's not true. So, yeah, it's it's healthy. It's you know, there are times when you, you know, it's it's just part of growing up and living is is cry don't you. This is not going to happen in one conversation. I think it has to happen over time. You know, they'll be ashamed if you feel that if you're upset about something, let me know not to judge. There's no, you know. But yeah, it it has to be over time and have to open up the communication. It's kind of like having a talk about sex, you know, you don't start off with, you know, which finger do they? You start out with just the basics, the birds and the bees. And then as they get older, you, you know, you buy the condoms. Yeah. Yeah. Well, her her dad bought her 18. What a whole jar full. Yeah. A whole jar full of condoms. He just basically told me, he goes he said I don't want to be a grandpa, not now, but I'm not going to tell, you know. So, you know. And so, I mean. My dad just said, don't get caught. So along what you were just talking about a minute ago, you know, I've noticed when I have teenagers and both of them go obviously to the pediatrician once a year and whatnot, and they hand him that questionnaire, too. And I've always been told I have a daughter and son that both of us get these questionnaires and I sort of fill it out, honestly. And so when we get one of the questionnaires and she was completely honest, it kind of opened the door to her mental health treatment. But I think, oh, yeah, it did. And, you know, I try to be very much open to that, especially as a nurse, to be kind of attuned to that. My father suffered from depression for a long period of time. So your conversation of not be able to talk about it, he really wasn't able to talk about or to even seek treatment until God. I was like a senior in high school. So I want to think that. He had a special circumstance for being depressed too, though. Yes, but yeah, my father was gay. He came out later in life, so got. Married, had kids, and then had to come out as a gay man. Finally, after the kids got old enough where he didn't have to be home anymore. So yeah. It was I could understand his depression. So seeing him go through that is very much made me like it's okay to talk about your feelings, it's okay to be accepting who you are. I'm going to love you regardless. Kind of conversation. But I would like to think that we've come a long way in mental health because now it's like, let me just talk about our trigger warnings. Let's talk about what upsets you less. Right? As a man, you can't be that seriously as a full bore, manly, heterosexual, can't think of being any other way type guy. You, you, it's always about being strong, being the best and that's just innate in the head, you know. And again encouraged culturally to. Yeah, but it's also. By the way, I don't know. DNA. Yes, but it's it's my mother's generation never talked about it. And so I didn't tell anybody I was depressed and suicidal until I told the world. In my first Ted X, I came out of the mental health closet on stage at age 52. At my dad ex, nobody knew that I was living with depression and in chronic suicidal ideation. And most people, many people who are mentally ill are great actors. There's I have a Screen Actors Guild card for a reason. I'm a good actor. So and I if I were to come out then if it weren't for being a comedian for two and a half decades, at that point, I wanted to be a speaker and I had to convince the world I could do something serious. I thought, Well, I'll show him. I'll ideas. I'm deadly serious. I'll do a X on suicide. Yeah. By the way, I looked I looked up taxes on suicide on the big TED site. Think there must be dozens and there were three, just three. FedEx talks on suicide. Then it hit me. Well, duh. If you're really good at suicide, chances are you're not going to be recording a TED talk. But, yeah, the winners in that field are just fighting. Okay, you. Really don't want to be. A winner. You know? You don't want to win. You got to win the game, right? Do you feel like a failure? Yes. I failed. Suicide? Yeah. But it's such a hard subject to make fun of. But at the same time, it's like if you're open enough and if any, and you've come to terms with your own demons, then yes, you can be silly about something like this because it is what it is, you know, and you get it. We get it. People throw daggers at us every day and some daggers hurt more than others. But what I've found is keeping it is they all don't actually hurt more than others. They're all the same depth. We just let the wounds fester longer by picking at them with our mind and our emotions, or. We don't treat them and they get infected and it gets worse. The correct reason I get the reason I'm often hired over as a clinician to talk about suicide prevention because we're both giving basically the same advice. Yeah. Is that I'm the mental health comedian and the fact that I can not tell jokes but tell funny personal stories, what's better than comedy? Yeah. Yes. And but in comedy, the rule is, you can make fun of any group to which you belong. So I make fun of people. Yeah. So? So I can't be anybody because I'm like, an outcast galore. Cheese. So. Well, you can make fun of all your other misfit friends. Oh, yeah? Well, are you going to have friends first? I'm just saying. But I wonder if. That's. Probably some of this might have to do with just stigma, because I'm sitting here thinking like as in health care. Yes, I've worked in the emergency room, I've worked in the ICU. I've done various things over my career. And I've always heard, like tons of other nurses say, Oh, if they really meant to do it, they would do it right. And I'm like, What? That is so. Wrong. I was like, No, no, no, no, no. We're taught better than this in school. This is a cry for help. I think people sometimes get so, at least in my profession, get so immune to taking care of those people that we just think that it's just another person that's acting out. And that's that's not really a fair way to be. I mean, I've kind of been guilty of that. I'll be honest. Well, we're just human. We are just human. True. But it's like, as my profession, we should do better at that. We well, let me let me give you some good news. I think sharing a little good news when I can, the eight of ten people who are suicidal are ambivalent. They cannot make up their mind. And nine out of ten actually give hints in the last seven days leading up to an attempt, which means the vast majority of people can be saved. Want to be saved? Yeah. If you know what to look and listen for. And that's what I teach. Signs and symptoms. What say what not say what to do or not do and how to find resources so we can solve this problem. But as you said, Ed, there's a lot of stigma attached. And and by the way, I was in California, I was at a comedy show and at a convention. And I'm sit with nine people at dinner at the ten top table. And they asked why I did anything else and I said, yes. I told my dad, told them what I was living with mentally and I'm only in the bathroom. And this guy headed that way with me and he stops me. He goes, Frank, I also have chronic suicidal ideation. He said, He's 69 years old, he says, but I've never told anybody that, including my therapist. And I know why. Because in California, if you tell your therapist you're having thoughts of suicide and you have a plan, you're going to spend three days in an all expenses paid mental health facility with no shoestrings or belt involuntary. And all you get to eat is Jell-O. And you don't even get the straw. And juicy fruit. Yeah. Thanks for getting that. So my question to you is, I'll just be honest here. I my daughter tried by taking Tylenol and I'm a nurse and I'm her mother and I didn't see any of it. And that's a huge guilt that I've got to live with because I feel like, sure, I should have caught on to that. I am not just I'm not the dumb mom, I guess in that situation maybe, but I'm a nurse. I should have caught this, but I didn't. But luckily for her, she told me and we took her straight to the hospital. She wasn't really trying. Well, I don't know. She took enough Tylenol, damaged her liver for a permanently. Yeah, but she's gotten treatment and she's taken her medication, and I'll keep her in therapy. And I keep I keep on her and stuff like that and that kind of thing. There is nothing wrong for anyone who's listening and there's nothing wrong with someone who feels emotionally distraught and has to and feels like that's the only thing they can do. There's nothing wrong with that person other than that they need someone to help them and come and talk to them and listen. Listening is the biggest key, I think, for most people who feel terrible. And in that way, just listen. I felt I was doing that, though. But but I don't know what advice. Would play with a person is listening. Mm. What signs would you tell. Because I mean we're taught like they give things away, they change a personality, they, you know, little things like that. And I'm sitting here going back. I didn't see any of that. Well and as a kid. Well, then I'm just saying. Yeah. And sometimes parents confuse that with just being a teenager. Yeah. Moody My three top symptoms, I found out they eat too much. They can't eat, they sleep too much, they can't sleep. They let their personal hygiene go. That's a big one, too. After getting out, they get in trouble getting out of bed in the morning. They seem to rally in the afternoon like almost a different person. And but know these are not always these are not the only signs nor are you know, is this sort of. Well, yeah this I got I do all but one of those every day and I'm not suicidal. So I wonder, do men have different symptoms than, say, women? No. But men tend three times as many women attempt suicide as men. Men tend to complete because they use a firearm. Your daughter chose Tylenol, which is something you can come back from. You can call somebody, go look at it. Call 911. You cut yourself, you're bleeding, but you're not going to bleed out right away. So you can call 911. Men tend to other name. Now, Naomi Judd shot herself, which is kind of unusual. Yeah, but here's. Here's something people said to me. Have she killed herself? She had everything. Why would she want to die? And my stock answer is, chances are she didn't. I want to die. She simply wanted to end the pain. I didn't want to die. And I came so close, I just wanted to end the pain. Well, for me, when I was about 11, I felt that everybody hated me. I couldn't trust anybody. There was nothing on this planet for me. I'm very different kind of person. I've always been my own. I didn't beat to the rhythm of my own drum. I went out and like. Beat. People up and took their drums and then turned them into my drum. And then fine, then found my own rhythm. You have the cannonballs. Yeah. I'm the kind of guy that likes to hear the cannibals roar. But at 11, I got hot water, a straight razor. And I'm at 11, of all things. And I'm sitting there thinking about it and I'm like, okay, I'm going to be older soon, and it's only going to be five or six years. It's supposed to be 80. And I just thought about it logically for a second. I've only had to deal with this situation that I'm in and these people have been going with for about another ten years, and I go do something else and then I can go to the beach, I can party or I can have a family or I can drive a car. And I thought to myself, this is stupid. I'm not going to kill myself. I just got to put up with it for a little while and then it'll go away and everything will change. I'll do what I want. Well, Paul, I had a similar thought in reverse recently. Right? I was on the trail walking the dogs, all the dogs every morning. And I was thinking to myself, I was thinking about the whole, you know, I have chronic suicidal ideation, which means for me, it's always an option on the menu as a solution for problems large and small. My car broke down three years ago. I had a couple of thoughts on that. One, get it fixed, do buy new three. I just kill myself because it's a coping mechanism. Yeah. Stress reliever and you're. Anyway, I'm walking down the trail. I'm thinking, you know, thinking about what to do for a living and talking about suicide. And I thought to myself, Wait a minute. Sort of like you did. I'm 65 years old. I mean, what are we talking here? Ten, 15, 28. Why rush it? Why not just go fast? Yeah, let's let everybody else. Might as well just have a good time while it's left and go on. That's how I feel about it. Yeah. Yeah. When I had my first suicidal thoughts in my twenties, you know, I'm lucky to stretch to whatever the average age white background 72 Right. Now you. Can get strippers, hookers, cocaine, blow, whatever you want and it'll be fine. I Disney cruise ship you know I was on a cruise ship with a guy who is 80 something. He's 80 years old. I'm watching me breakfast. We had breakfast together and he's eating yogurt and granola and something else health. And I go, Dude, you're 84. Why are you eating such a healthy breakfast? I mean, come on, we're. Yeah, we're getting we're rolling into the Dominican Republic. Let's get off the boat, get some hookers, some airline. Even if you got age, it's like a ten year embrace. You're very different. You can be long gone by. Every 95, but, you know, it's like it's over. Who cares? Yeah, exactly. I did read in some statistics here that 85 and older is a very high rate for suicide as well. And I wonder if a lot of that has to do with illness and coming to terms with the end of life problem. Yes, they have a higher rate, but the boomers rate is increasing and they think it's because baby boomers, when they were young, 18, whatever, 20, they were going to change the world. And they did. They helped in the Vietnam War and they thought they'd go on to do greater things, you know, changing the world some more. And they look back and, you know, they went to work for some corporation and they they didn't change anything. But I'll tell you who the loneliest people on the planet are in the United States, anyway. Teenage girls. Yeah. Because and one of the reasons they believe is they're spending 40% less time face to face with their peers, like hanging out at the mall than they did ten years ago. They've got their faces in their iPhone, in their bedrooms. And so there's a disconnect where the most connected and most disconnected generation are, you know, in history because of the social media. Something for your daughter, by the way. Mm hmm. You're asking for suggestions. Here's what I suggest. You do it at random points. That suicidality is a three legged stool. One leg is you isolate yourself, you move, or you you end friendships, and you you, you know, you pull out of anything. Social two is you have crossed a barrier where you have realized you can end your life because babies are born with amazing will to survive. But you cross that barrier, you can kill yourself. Yeah. The third one is and this is the one that I recommend you drop into conversation with your daughter every now and then is something called burdensome. This burdensome ness. Many people who are suicidal feel the world would be better off without them. So on the outside looking in, it's a selfish act, but on the inside looking out it's almost selfless. And they firmly believe that the parents and so forth would be better off without them. So my advice to you, when Robin says something like a child, you got so much to live for, which in my mind is not going to have any impact, say to her, you know, honey, I imagine, you know, it crossed your mind every now and then that we would somehow be better off without you. And that is in no way true. We would not in any way be better off without you. Yeah, that's a really good point because I mean, I've noticed, especially with like social media, I mean, we kind of grew up not having to deal with that and now everybody's putting filters on, making themselves look thin and all this other stuff. And I told them the other day, I was like, Have you ever stopped to think what someone really looks like without the filter? They look just like you. Right? Well, it's a highlight reel. It's a highlight reel. You know, and I'm kind of like, I just don't I can't fathom the amount of pressure that it's got to be for a teenager. And no idea how hard it is for me to hold back on my smart ass comments. I know it is. I live in small town. Well, her graduating class is maybe 25 people. Oh. Maybe a little bit more than that. But both. Of us, where we I graduated with 680 people, I. Had five. And she had 500 something people. So for us, it's kind of hard for us to deal. And none of these children are mine. I don't have any kids at all. Um, by choice. It wasn't that I. The parts don't work. It's that the parts I didn't want them to work. So. But at that way, um, so just, just to kind of see where, you know, where we're coming from a little bit. But anyway, go ahead. I'm sorry. So, I mean, it's just crazy because I'm like email, you know, you don't have to necessarily like get along with everybody in your class. It's like you can't blend in or you have to get along. And there's so much pressure of people being in each other's business and filters. And I just I feel it breaks my heart because I'm thinking, man, if things would just be so much simpler, we're not your whole entire life has to be put on Facebook. And for everyone's opinion, yeah, it almost might make things ten times easier on people if they weren't so worried about what everyone's doing. Trying to tell you about being an entertainer too is that you can't let other people's opinion hit you. And you should know something about this, I guess. Oh, yeah, yeah, that. Go ahead. Every time I every time I announce when I speak that I'm in a conference and they pass out evaluation forms and then the media passes me, well, we'll send you the evaluation forms and I say, don't. I don't want them. Yeah, I don't want them. I don't want you know, I don't want I mean, I know. It's just going to upset me. Though. Yes. Well, it's like, you know, we were talking about with the podcast, like people's like comments. It's like I don't know what they want to I don't want to know what they say. I don't care. No. I mean, I do care people's opinions, but I don't want the negativity. And I'm trying to teach that to myself and also to teach it to my kids. It's like just who cares what other people think? You be you, be you. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. But the problem there is that an adult answer to a teenage question. Exactly. I agree because that teenagers want nothing more, in my estimation, than to sit in. Its still undecided for a teenager was I never a child because I never cared if I fit in or not? I think everyone does. I didn't know. I never cared. I didn't give two shits if I fit in or not. As the people say, You should do this. It's not like I'm lying. And that's my mantra. You know that. I dislike is that it's go back to men and suicide. They want so much to be this idyllic yes. Person of what they feel like that they were brought up to think they had to be. And when they're not meeting that expectation, they feel like the only way that they can end it is to hurt is to, I guess, essentially suicide. It's like, why do we put that pressure people? Well, I think it's changing with the newer generations in terms of, you know, the male female role models. And as those expectations thankfully, like my mother's generation never talked about it. Right. My my and my sister's generation or open about it all. And so therefore, the nieces and nephews are very open their emotions that they're struggling with the mental challenge. They don't hide it. There's no stigma in the family. So I think over generations, hopefully it will improve. The thing about I'm sure you had this experience, I'm 65, graduated high school in 75. Back then the bully was very up close and personal. Yeah, his name was George Ragland in the locker next to me and junior high school and and he would hit me in the shoulder or whatever it was. But when I left the school, I left the bullying behind. Now kids carry the bully behind a bully home in their pocket. Yeah, I do. Yeah. And I did something one time in the last couple of years that got the trolls to come after me for something they thought that I had done. And it was vicious. It was. I mean, I had death threats had changed my phone number, shut down three social media accounts. Good grief. Yeah. And I said to him, I said to my wife, you know, I never really understood the whole cyberbullying thing until now. I said, These people I'll never meet. But if those people who are coming after me and being that vicious were my classmates, I would be talking to my mother about, Look, honey, Frank needs to be home school because if he's not shortly, he's going to kill somebody. You know what I mean? I wonder if that's what's what this whole school shooting thing is, because I remember my kids coming to me. They started school. Might have been, but I don't know if the new ones are that the. Bully that you know, the kid that got bullied all the time just decided that instead of, you know, hurting himself, he's going to hurt others. But I'll Columbine kids were kind of they had that something to it they had some that to it and but some of these guys are just they are a who knows. Well I think it began with Columbine then actually began in Oregon and in Springfield. Yeah. Somebody told me the year that it happened and I think at the it was a lot of going after the bully and all their friends. Yeah. But, but then you see somebody who does that and you see the kind of attention they get in the media and social media. And so that's why they live. Some of these people live stream this and they livestream but you know then they they they post before lives they live stream before it. So to be a star, I guess to be a social media star. Yes. My last TEDTalk was called Digital Media Addiction, Smartphones, smartphones, social media stress, anxiety and Suicide. The high schoolers now report self report. Last study I saw, 40% of them have anxiety and 60% of college students. And that is twice the rate it was ten years ago. And what's changed, I believe, is in 2012, only 30% of people in the United States owned a smartphone. That's when we cross that, you know, into the plus 5050 plus. Now it's around 84%. And if you track the graph of self-reported depression, thoughts of suicide among teenagers and you place it over top of a graph of the growth in smartphone or ship, the two lines are almost parallel, you know, going up to the right hand corner. Well, it's easier, to be honest with an app on your phone that you carry around in your you trust the phone to do at least a little bit more than you would just talk at a random person on the street. So it may be part of that is that they're just used to it and they can be open with it and so they can self report before or if you had a self report like when we were kids and when you're kids you had to do it in front of somebody and that somebody could be very humiliating. That's true because I mean, a lot of things that they would like for me as a nurse, they would tell me stuff, but they wouldn't tell the doctor. Yeah. And I'm always kind of like, I never really understood that. And it's maybe because, you know, they got I was because. You're a nice pretty girl. Good talk to this. That's pretty girl right here. You know. What? I'm going to do? Hey, what's up, baby? Oh, no. I feel fine day. And they go until the doctor I feel fine till the nurse I feel like shit. So it's like, yeah, but you have a point there. Like, people are more comfortable self-reporting to a box that they stare at than somebody eyeballs. And maybe a lot of that has to do with men, too, not wanting to talk about how they feel in front of their physician or saying, Hey, hey, hey, stop, stop, stop. I need to talk to you about something, you know, that kind of thing. And teenagers are more forthcoming in text rather than on the phone. Yeah. So the Suicide Prevention Lifeline folks establish a suicide prevention text line. You text the word help to 741741 and there'll be somebody on the other end roughly your age, texting back because they'd much rather text their feelings. They're much more open about their feelings in a text than they are talking to somebody on the phone. That makes sense. I mean, honestly, I would rather text somebody than actually talk, and that's just mainly because it's just easier and faster and convenient and dry. And you don't have to you don't have to throw out because we as humans, we listen to the vocals, so we listen to that. I can tell when someone is upset or happy or sad or or confused or frightened by the tone of their voice and how their cadences and things like that. I spent 20 years on insurance to people. I did the employer benefits. I was I had to see 15 people a day. So I had 10 minutes to meet with these people and sell them insurance and some insurance I didn't eat. So I had to learn how to listen and and get that. And guess what? These people are doing that my best ability and otherwise I couldn't sell them and. Well, not just listen Paul. And this is this is this is something I fear is that the I think we're losing the ability to do if you're not making eye contact you're not watching the other person's face. Yeah. For microexpressions and you're not listening. This is the problem with texting or email, you know, as you said, not listening to the tone of their voice. Yeah. That all these cues you're missing. I saw somebody said the day will come when this the millennials and certainly the Gen Z, when somebody they know has a tragedy, they won't know what to say or what facial expression to make. Right. But they will know just exactly which emoji. You know, that's a really good point, because there are certain things that I've noticed within my own kids that they don't know how to like. Express. Express or say the right thing. And now that you bring that up, I mean, that's a really, really good point because I didn't want to give them cell phones until but we lived out here. I was a single mom. I need to make sure they got in the door okay from school. It was just easier and it's just like morphed into something where if a kid doesn't have a cell phone at age nine and he's like teased, he or she is teased. Yeah. And I was crazy. Let's go. Let's go to the next generation. If millennial woman has a baby when the the first number of months, it's very important that the mother and child are constantly making eye contact, that the child can see. Yeah, you can't really see that well in the beginning. But they can look at the mother's face and what they're doing is they're looking in their mother's face is they're picking up what her face looks like when she said, where are faces like this? She's angry. And so if the mother has her face turned away and staring into a smartphone, she's denying that neural connection with the child's. Eyes can be very dangerous thing going on. You're right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have to do some research on that. It's just like I said in the last podcast, the about the when we talked about science in astronomy and uh, the doctors have found that in premature babies that the ones that are touched by the nurses every few minutes or every hour or so develop stronger, better than the ones who aren't touched and are in a cage. And that's that's a, that's a white paper. I kind of find that white paper. So people I could people could I could prove it, but it does exist. What I don't understand is when you have a child, you don't have time to do much else besides feed the child. Yeah, the child changed the child's diaper, feed it and sleep when it does. I don't know how you even have time to pick up your cell phone. Let's take a bath. I don't understand this. I don't understand. I'm just like, how do you have time to? If you remember, you and I are different kind of people. Yeah, we are. We are very attentive. We're hyper hyper empathy. We have hyper empathy. It's probably true state. But yeah. So because of that, it's hard for us to deal with people who have no empathy and we don't understand those kind of things. Because I don't know when my kids were born, I, I was, I didn't they were constantly with me like I didn't go to the bathroom or take a bath by myself or like. I have no kids. For like at least the first six months, four months or something because they're crying. They're constantly they need you. You're your mom. You're right there. So I don't know. I'm was like, get off of the phone and pay attention to your kids. Yeah, because because that I contact mother and child that actually develops neural pathways that will eventually be used by that child as an adolescent and an adult in terms of, you know, reading other people's faces and understanding, you know, the but not everybody, not everybody, even my even my generation. Not everybody can do that. Not everybody. I'm walking with a guy one day and a woman who all passes and she goes. She smiles at us and I go, Yeah, but did you notice her smile? Never reached her eyes. What? What do you mean? Around every story I go, You didn't see that? He goes, No, I didn't. But she smiled. But you could tell because I was. I saw her smile, looked into her eyes. It never got there. It was perfunctory. It was just smiling, you know? She's being polite to smile. Yeah, yeah, she's being polite. Yeah. Never. So there are people who can't pick up on those micro-expressions. You had to learn all of that. I think Dr. Paul Aikman is one of the premier researchers in microexpressions and that that guy, he's got every microexpression that anyone's ever made mapped. And he's found that it doesn't matter whether you're an American or living in the deep jungle, I've never even seen a fork before that their micro-expressions are exactly the same. It's. Yeah, I think he's the one they based the show The Mentalist on. Well, Mentalist the real show that they based on him was, oh, my gosh, a lot of you lie to me because that guy's name was Paul Griffin. Yeah. I can't watch that show because you'll start point stuff out. And I'm like like, I can't. I can't do anything, man. I watch you what I do. But. Well, it's go ahead. If I could take if I if I could go back in time, they said you can't do comedy. I would have gone and studied with I would have said they were like men and gone to work, you know, in that and like that guy does reading people's expression. Because part of my mental illness, I think, is if you have mental illness, you're much more, I believe, empathetic, you're much more aware of other people's feelings and so forth around you. And I'm one of the things I do for a hobby is I try to guess where people are from and it's all in observation. It's a friend of mine who's a mentalist, said Frank. That's called a cold read. And apparently you've been practicing this for years. I have. I came I was coming across coming across the border from Canada. I stopped a U.S. Border Patrol show, my passport or whatever. Yeah. And I just out of habit, I was like a little guy up and down, black guy. His name is Tyler Larsen with Thomas on his badge. He said a couple of words. And so I said to him, Officer Thomas, you're from Georgia. And he freezes and he looks at me and he goes, I am, but how could you possibly know that? And I said, You're asking the wrong question as to what's the right question? Why you have someone like me at every border crossing in this country watching and listening to people come and go. Yeah. And they do that in Israel. They have people who watch and listen to the people in line. Yeah. For immigration coming and going and that's that because they're what they have people who are trained to watch signs and whatever. Well, it's like whenever you're about that spam message that says important, this is going to expire. Car in a car warranty. Yeah. And and you're like, whatever. And every now and again, I'll engage them because I like screwing with people. It's fun. Yeah, I'll engage them and I'll be exactly where they're from. And I'm like, You're not in the or. It's like when I was dating, I, I did 5250. It was a 51 or 50 to 51 first day 51. Yeah. Since after I got divorced, I was divorced not quite a year. And then when I'm 51/1 dates because I was bound to find somebody that I can actually, you know, actually connect with. And I got to make up for lost time. I spent 20 years, you know, living with God anyway. So yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't even remember when my point was. Now I got so sidetracked right now. Oh, my God. You had to learn how to read people, basically. Yeah, it was dates. It's first dates. I always tell everybody it's like a job interview. Yeah, it is. It's job interview. I mean. I wrote a list. I had a list of ten things. And if you violated more than three, I wasn't going to go out with you again. Oh. Hey, you got to have standards, man. Yeah. That's true. Okay, one, she's breathing. Watching. Breathing. Two, she got a blood pressure. Three, she's got a pulse. Um, not a dude. Not a dude. I don't know. I mean, it depends on how good looking. Cheers. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my God. Well, you know what? When I went out with my current wife, when I went out my current wife the first time I met her, there's San Diego in a tremendously gay neighborhood with a lot of female impersonator bars. Now, she was extremely muscular, wearing. Crocodile Dundee. I think, which is. Remember the Crocodile Dundee that. Yeah, that woman eat chicken. You remember the. Movie? Oh, no, actually, I saw that. Oh, yes. Yeah. I said I said to my roommate, I said to my roommate, look, I'm going to go out on this date with this woman. Here's her address. I think there's a 5050 chance she's got outdoor, not indoor plumbing. So if I don't get, I'll call you by midnight, send the cops this address because I'm the crying game and lose it. Oh, my God. You know. Yeah, you should know me. 1145 at her place, I said, Can I borrow your phone? And she goes, Sure. And right in front of her, I call my roommate. I said simply, It's a girl. Oh, my God. It's good to see you, man. No, I told the story. And you know what? She is so sweet and so and so smart. I would have married her if she had a penis is just. See, that's what I said. Just like I wasn't wrong. Depends on how pretty she is. Oh, my God. Yeah, she was flat. She was flat. And, you know, blowjobs and blowjob. She was. Flat. Gore We're just devolving this conversation to its lowest common denominator at this point. Sorry, guys. No, it's okay. It's exactly what we do. That's. That's fun to talk it. It morphs into stuff, but. That's because I'm an asshole. I can't help it. I'm not an ass. No, I'm not. I'm not an asshole. I'm an ass. Not an asshole. There's a difference. Yeah. There's a difference. That is correct. See, I'm not the only one you know. It's like down south. The expression is he showed his ass. It's not. He showed his ass. Oh, no, he showed his ass. Yeah, it's different. Yeah, that's true. If she tells you you're assholes, especially if you're in prison, it means something completely different. So different. Completely different. Exit only. Thank you. Yes, that's what I saw. The exit only I, I, if I ever end up having to go to jail. So the first thing I'm going to do before I go in is have that, have those two words tattooed on my ass exit on the left. Only on the right. Yeah. Every every martial arts class I've ever taken the intake interview with a sensei. They always ask, you know, I hear you're looking to develop balance or at the exercise and the flexibility. And my stock answer is I just want to be able to take down the two largest guys on the cellblock and look at you like, are you are you facing jail? No, I'm just saying, you know, let's say I look like the sketch. And I'll write. You know, I've survived. Yeah, I want to survive the two weeks while they sort it out. So that's all I'm asking is because that's the I've got a friend whose son went to jail and prison actually and he told me this is because we were talking about this. He goes, Yeah, I here's the deal. In jail or in prison, oftentimes you're going to have to fight. Yeah. If you don't, you're just you know, you're just fresh meat. You're just somebody's bitch for the rest time. You're there. Somebody that you may lose. But it's better to yeah, it's better to fight and lose than it is not to fight. Yeah. And the guy came after son one night and they had this technique. I'd never heard of it. And I've read a lot of trashy fiction. It's called it's called a lock in a sock. So he took his lock from his locker and he put it in a sock and Tylenol. Yeah, the open in the sock and a lay there awake. And when the guy came in he just opened up on him with a lock in the sock and put him in a hospital. Oh wow. And never saw him again. Yeah, yeah. He said it was a matter of survival. Have to you know you're going to have to. Face that movie. What was that movie with the guy he's at on Slide ten? No, it was on to Adam Sandler's buddy's. He he did Deuce Bigalow Male Gigolo. That guy. Who was that guy? Oh, yeah. Okay. They got Schneider, right? Yeah. Rob Schneider. So he was he he was in, uh, he did a whole movie where he was an Israeli spy or something like that. I can't remember. Remember? He goes to prison. The first thing he does, he finds the biggest, horniest, most trashy person on the on the on the playground, basically. And bobs his ass. And that's so. Yeah, yeah. And yeah, I can I can feel that I can feel. That Shawshank Redemption. I. This is much different. Yeah, yeah. That's dark. Parts of it are very dark. Yeah. Well, I have a friend who an acquaintance who went to jail is very young man in his teens. Um, and I think he killed an acquaintance in, in a certain sense, accidentally, but still went to jail, went to went to juvenile jail and then went to prison. And he said the same thing. You got to fight. And he said, there was a guy who came in a slightly built Jap needs kid and the two largest inmates come to approach him. First day. And so the guy, the Japanese guy drops into a martial arts stance and then does a standing backflip, lands and takes a stance again. And they just said, no, I think. See, I know better. The reason it's like people who it's like big men that are afraid of Chihuahuas, right? Yeah. They can bite. Yeah, yeah. They can put a, you know, scratch to skin up, you know, bark at, you know, you. But I can just reach down and I'm a big I got to reach down and grab the Chihuahua by its neck and it can't hurt me no more. So. Well, he's the same. I said one. Why not? And he said he was saying, Frank, they probably could easily take him out and you know, he said if he knows any kind of martial. Arts, he just knew how to do. A backflip. Yeah, he may just have no idea like that, but see, the two guys cannot take the chance that in fact, he is Bruce Lee reincarnated. Oh, yeah. Because if they get their ass swept by a little Japanese guy, they lose all their equity, their credibility on. Which which goes to that. What we were talking about earlier, I mean, this is really interesting because that goes to exactly what we were talking about earlier, why men don't talk about their feelings, because it's exacerbated and it's amplified on the prison in the prison yard. Right. But that's exactly why men can't talk about their feelings, because if they do. They'll be late. Yeah. Yeah, it's it's a male kind of a code because back, you know, thousands of years probably it's, you know, it's. Got to be billy belt and. You know yeah because if you wander in somebody else's territory when in the caveman days, you know, you were an enemy and they were either enslaved or. Killed, then they take you women, they take your wives. Everybody, everybody get and take it on up in the air. How do we change that? I think it takes time. It just generation after generation, slowly never going. To really get rid of it, though, because women want a manly man, even though they say they want everybody to be this way. That way men need to be responsible. They need to be good listeners. They need to be empathetic, but they also need to be men. Because when dating, none of the women I've never met a woman who didn't want to date me because I was too strong. They didn't want to date me because they knew it was going to get serious. They knew what I was looking for, but they'd never heard one say, Oh, he's too strong, he's too manly, because I'm also empathetic. And I also listen and I pay attention and I'm in a in a I'm a soft, gentle person when I want to be. Uh, well, and. There's a book. Yeah, go ahead. Go ahead. No, no. There's a book club book called from years ago. Men are from Mars. One from Venus. Yeah. Written by to psychotherapy, by the way, who had been married at one point in divorce, which is a whole different story. But yeah, it's like we. Trust those people, though. I'm certainly trying not to. Laugh because it's like they're divorced I'm like, Well, maybe you should have taken Tom's advice of your book and maybe. Yeah, yeah, I just I just. I was like, it's like being a shop teacher with three fingers. You know how it all works. Yeah. I'm not very good at. But I said, you know, in the book that women want men, you know, who are empathetic, who are, you know. And I said, okay, ladies, let me set this up for you. It's Monday morning. It's been snowing all night. It's icy. It's slushy. You go out of the car to drive to work, you're running late, you turn the key. Nothing. Now when you go back inside. Do you want your husband or male significant other to go? Either a I feel your pain or b I'll get the jumper cables and get your pretty little fanny on the way in no time. Come on. Yeah, I think one was both. You know, somebody who is tough but tender. I mean, somebody who can. Yeah, but you can't be too much of either one. You have to find that middle ground, but you still have to be a damn man. I think maybe that's why you first started me. Because I figured the cable did it myself, and you're like, Why don't you wake me up? I have been okay with that. That is. That's hot. That's hot. Yeah, I know. She's trying to tell her. I was like, no. Yeah. Okay. My thought process. I work on cars. I wish I am not very good at that. My question is, is how can a woman who's either married or in a serious relationship with somebody and you start to notice that your significant other husband is having issues that make you concern for depression and suicide. What advice would you give her? Because I don't know. About ask him, are you depressed? Well, if you do that, is he gonna say no? Ask him if he's depressed. Okay. Now, whether he responds, you know, whether he's going to tell you or not, that's another story. But yeah, if you think somebody is depressed, ask if they're depressed. Yeah. And if you get admit they're depressed again looking for signs, is he having trouble maintaining his hygiene? Is he having trouble getting out of bed? Is is he seen be losing interest in been playing softball or whatever the you know. It's yeah and when I show him my tits he no longer gets interested. I don't understand. No. Yeah, that's not a. No. That's not okay. I just wanted to show scientists. Yeah. And I think. For me I don't know very many women that would be like, okay, he's had depression. The days go about their day and they wouldn't think anything other for me. I'd be like, okay, I'm on track. Him put his ass in the car and take it to the doctor. But that's me. Because. Well, that might get you in trouble too, if. That's true. Yeah. If he if he says he's depressed, the next step is, are you having thoughts of suicide? Ask you just that way. And if he said if he's honest enough to say yes, then the next question is, do you have a plan? And if he has a plan as detailed time, place and method, then you get him in the car. Yeah. Look, honey, I'm not going to get you locked down. I just want let's just go there and get you evaluated and find out what it is. Yeah. You know, because I had a friend in town here he was. He was terribly depressed. He went and got a physical, and doc says, your body's not metabolizing hard. So you put him on time released. Answer it. And boom, depression symptoms are gone. So sometimes violence present as mental health challenges. So it's true. But yeah, I would say ask him asking flat out. I'm not I'm not guaranteeing he's going to answer you honestly. But I think you need to ask that question because the last thing you would do is not ask the questions. Have something happened? If your intuition says he's depressed or your intuition says about your child, I think they're having thoughts of suicide. You have to ask them, Are you having thoughts of suicide? The old wives tale is You should never mention that for somebody who's depressed because it give them the idea like that didn't fucking cross my mind. Yeah. They already thought about that. I don't. Get that. It's like they're. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And the chances of them die by suicide, if you ask that question out loud are much less. Yeah. Because also that's out there but yeah. And you know you it yeah. They're not so alone because of nasty with mental illness. I fell into this when I first you know before I knew I had a diagnosis. I thought it was just me. I thought nobody else felt this way. Thought this way. Yeah. Turns out there's, you know, a quarter of the population has a mental health exam. So that's so it's. So I appreciate you talking to us today. I really do. And I really think it's something that people need to talk about more. I agree. And not have to and not sit around and wring their hands over. I mean, if you feel bad, you feel bad and you don't talk to someone, at the very least talk to someone. What was the number that you said people can text to? Yes, you text a word, help or connect or any word to 741741. And there'll be so many other end the line and you know they now have a nationwide in the US three digit suicide prevention lifeline 988 is the Nationwide three digit suicide prevention lifeline. Okay. And you generally get somebody who's trained at least, right? Oh, yes. And the more difficult and then. Yes, they'd rather have you call as you're cycling down, not as you're standing on the ledge. Yeah. And and also the as the simple one Denver 19880 and make sure you put my phone number in the show notes because every keynote I do, I put my phone number up on the screen. Okay. And I say, look, I say, look, if you're suicidal, call nine, eight, eight or text 741741. If you're just having a really bad day, call a crazy person. And here's my cell number. I get those people quite often, actually. Once a week or so, you know, because here's here's the power of what I do. It's it's it's something that men don't realize. And I think they get laid a whole lot often if they did it. Is that vulnerability is a superpower. Mm hmm. Yes. I'm successful. I'm funny. I'm not good looking, but I'm cute, and I'm also very vulnerable on stage. I get choked up when I tell my story and that jokes. Audience That's right. And when when I go on stage, unlike a clinician for whom all this is academic, I stand up there and my vulnerability is I say, Look, I am nuttier than a squirrel. And it allows people in the audience permission to give voice to their feelings and experiences. People line up after I get like two, five, ten people. I said, Look, I'll handle individual questions afterwards if you don't ask. And Q&A and sometimes just two people, sometimes just ten. And here's how the conversations almost always start. Frank, I've never told anybody this. Oh, I get that a lot. Wow. Because I've given them permission to do without recrimination, no stigma, no right judgments. Right. Exactly. And and they know that they don't have to explain a lot of that to me. I get it. I hear the same music I do. A young woman at a college in Virginia say to me, she came up at first she said, can I give you a hug. And I'm thinking, oh, Christ, everybody, everybody in a room has got a phone with a video camera and a camera. And I'm on a college campus. I'm 65. She's 18. And I could just see the headline in the photograph in the paper tomorrow, you know, Speaker Grove's coed. So I said, what. If the. You a how she does not know. Yeah and not knowing the horror so I gave her I'm sure I'm sure you've done this Paul. I was hugged where I moved the pelvis back as far as I possibly this. Time I hugged usually as kids. Yeah, yeah. There's there's. Daylight. There's daylight between my my midsection. Exactly. And I said to our you hug her. She goes, now I don't hug. I said, What was that all about? She goes, Well, I have some little challenges. I've been in therapy for about two years and the woman is my therapist is very good. She's got the diplomas on the wall. She knows her stuff. But you know what? No context. She goes, I'm back there at the back of the room listening to you 15 minutes into your little keynote. And this is a quote and she said, And you're inside my fucking head. I've gotten more I got more of that 45 minutes and I got a two years with blast. Oh, wow. That's the power of being vulnerable and starting that conversation. Yeah. And that's probably the that that's exactly what I learned when I was selling insurance, is that I had to be the same as them. I had to put myself in the same plane of existence as they are. We're all trying to just make it in this world and we're just trying to do our best and be the nicest person we can. But sometimes we got to look out for ourselves and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And that's exactly what I did. That's exactly the tact I had to take when I was still on insurance because I only had 10 minutes with these people. And well, I sell I sell TED Talk coaching. Yeah. And my big competition and it's good company. They get people to take stocks but they they have a staff of salespeople and one of the one of my clients had gone to them first because they run ads all the time on social media and, had talked to the salesperson and arranged a follow up call. And the follow up call, my client, who would have been there, their client said. I just you know, I can't afford it. And the guy, the salesperson came after him, you know? What do you mean, you can't afford it? And so they when they're chatting with me, I said, look, I charged $5,997. I said, you know, you can pay me up front, save grinding, pay me a hundred bucks a month for a year, no interest. And they say, you know, I need to think about it. I go out and just think about it, man. I would sleep on it. That's a big pile of money. Let me my cell number know sleep on it and, you know, call me back. You said to it, great. If if you wake up tomorrow morning, go. What the fuck was I thinking? I don't want to do it. I don't care. You Know it's a lot of money. Yeah. And. And the guy calls me back and he signed up. I think it's because, like you said, I got into his shoes. I'm 5000, 6 hours, got a lot of money, didn't pressure, didn't call him a pussy because he wouldn't do it. And guess who he signed with? So yeah I think people and you have a. Longer relationship with that person than you will with anybody else too. They'll buy more from you later. And though you might become long, you know, might become lifelong friends until that one fateful day when you fall off out of the the bed at the nursing home and hit your head on. The wall. As well. My my deal with my tennis coaching line is this. I say, look, how long is a program? I go, I call them out til death do us part program. We work on getting you attacks and your speaking career where you want it until we do all we both diatribe and back to expression. Paul I've had clients say to me at the end of the day it's just a discovery. Got 30 minutes. They have to beg me to tell them what it costs. Yeah. God save some of the calls. And I've had them say to me, No, I think I'll go with you. You know, I. I can see in your eyes. Yeah. Never since never tell them the price upfront because then you're done. Yeah. I don't know. I make them, make them. Make one more. That's right. I know. Empathy, compassion. Just caring about people I think sometimes goes a lot further than anything. What I found is that most people don't experience empathy and compassion and they really don't. And it's weird. You think you would think that would be more of a thing, but for some ungodly God, no unknown reason. Most people have never experienced true compassion or true empathy or true caring, even in their own personal relationships between their man and woman. And I don't understand that. And I know you don't understand. And that's why we get along so well. And when you think about this. Think about this in the sales process, my belief about business is something my mother learned my mother's knee. I didn't know I was learning it, but I did. She was a big networker. People would call her day and night and say, Dixie was her name. Dixie, Dixie, I need this. And she would do her best if she could to deliver, you know, connect them with somebody. Good, good. Okay. So I believe that's the heart and soul of networking is giving value first without expectation of return. And giving value first is empathy. You see what you can do for them before you figure out what they can do for you. Well, this can help anyone in their relationships as well because yeah, it's sales. It's sales isn't sales. It's just dealing with people. Well, they were buying you, Paul. They're buying me. Yeah, they're buying coaching. They're buying insurance. What they're really buying is you or me. Right? And the same thing that they're it's the same thing when you're when if you feel like, you know, you're depressed and whatnot, it's probably because, you know, you need a little empathy in your life as well. Or to feel empathy from someone else. Or to even feel empathy for else. Well, and one of the things I recommend to people who are living with depression or a mental challenges is do something nice for someone else because. It gets you out of your own head and your focus off yourself. And be it's is you're doing something good. Absolutely. Yeah. It's just one those I think is better. Yes, it does sell it can be a great piece of your self-care plan is to do something nice every so often for somebody else. No need for nothing in return just because you can do it. Yeah, I love doing I love doing that. I began my mother taught me. Do you guys have time for one last story? Sure, sure. Okay. I know we going pass an hour, but I was on Whidbey Island. I was taking a martial arts class and a woman in there named Elise. She came in Monday morning and she was crying. And I said, at least I try and she goes, My husband is in Nepal. We're trying to adopt a little boy, three years old from Nepal. And I said, Well, what's the rub? She said, Well, one, the visa to go to Nepal, very expensive. This is the last one we can afford to a week from Sunday, I guess in seven days you're going to have to fly home with or without the boy and three. Everybody signed off on the deal except the United States Homeland Security. And I said, wait a minute, the kids three. I mean, I've never had a three year old. But how big a terrorist can he be? I don't know. I mean, they're. Pretty they're terrorized. And shared attitudes is a real thing. And it doesn't end at two. Three, two, two, six. So her problem was we were in Washington state very blue and she was she was involved in politics. She knew both senators, you know, U.S. senators, but they were both Democrats, governor, Democrat. This is during the George Bush administration. So everybody in Washington, D.C., you make a difference as a Republican. So when she got done, I think my mother channeled through me. I said exactly what my mother would say. I said, I'll see what I can do. Now, I realized after I spoke it, I'm like, Fuck, did I say it. Out loud because. You got another? Yeah. I'm a comedian on Whidbey Island. A half a world away. Yeah. With no connections. And and somehow. But I believe if you give voice to something like that, your brain and the universe begin to work together. Yeah. Figure out. Okay, so I'm driving home and I thought, aha, there's a guy went to junior high school with and by the way with networking, I think it's like a garden. You've got to attend it, you got to stay in touch, you got to take care of your people. There's a guy went to junior high school with. When I went back to Raleigh to work in radio, he was mayor. We hung out and he worked for a very powerful Republican senator from North Carolina for a number of years. So he knew lots and lots of high ranking Republicans. And at the time, our governor for the state of Arkansas was the head of homeland security. He Mesa, Asa Hutchinson, essentially. Yep, yep. So I said to Tom, I ran a story for him and I said and Tom said, bless his heart. He said to me, I'll see what I can do. Hmm. I sense a theme. So, Tom, it was Monday. Tom called me back on Wednesday. I said, How'd you do? He goes, Well, I called Elizabeth Dole. She was a current senator from North Carolina, and I ran the story down for now, Tom and I have nothing politically in common. We're on opposite ends of the political spectrum. You know, when it comes to this kind of thing, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter about the it's about the people. So, Tom, I said what Elizabeth Dole say. She said that she had contacted Homeland Security. And what did what happened, Tom said and I quote, Elizabeth Dole said and I quote, I tore I'm a new. Asshole. For your old job. Give a damn pass. Yeah. A Southern woman at heart storm a new asshole. So the word went out in a different, like, patch, you know, like I took that pouch. Yeah. To the ambassador in Nepal. And so Homeland Security checked off course. I know none of this. I have no idea what's going on. So Monday morning I'm in class. No place, Tuesday morning in class, no something. And fuck it didn't work. Tuesday after class. I'm in the grocery store patrol buggy and around the corner comes Elise holding the hand. Oh. But darling, little three year old. Okay, now I'm crying. She's crying. His name is Ivy. Ivy looks me in the eye. Big brown eyes looks in the eye. And this is what he said. Ivy, go pee pee hahaha. And through my tears I said yes. And on American soil I American soil I do. So that's the power mean if I never do another good thing in my life. One small. How? Yeah, one small phone call. And I've changed the trajectory of at least three, I suppose. He goes on to be a doctor who creates a cure for whatever. I mean, you know, the ripple effect. Yeah. You never know. You can become a bank robber and blow himself up. But, you know, it could be a. They might be the person who brings to bed. Hey, now you're talking to my send me a day I was watching television today. A terrorist. I ask him, aren't you know what? You really want to blow yourself up and kill yourself? And he said this. You only die once. I've never done standup comedy. Yeah. Exactly. Oh, anyway, that's that. That's the vulnerable body and, and and reaching out and asking for help. Yeah. Maybe not for you, but for somebody else. And I. Know this and the. Power of those sorts of. Yeah. And listening. Yeah. And man. Yeah, I'll see what I can do. Fuck that. I say that out loud. But it's exactly what my mother said regardless. Even if she knew she had no idea how to do it, she said, Let me see what I can do. Um, well, so it's anyway. That's all right. I mean, it's been a, it's been a very much a joy to talk to you today. And I am yes. I really think that I really feel I hate that we said we think now. I feel I feel that, you know, it's something that more men and I think it is I think it's happening I mean the dreaded Jordan Peterson I know not everybody likes him politically, but he's brought a lot of attention to men's studies. Um, just because he's been out there with. The facts, just like you're out there with the facts, it doesn't matter. Your policy, politics, the facts are the facts. And that's really all there is to it. And we're, we're slowly chipping away through tick tock and through, uh, through, through Instagram, through Facebook stories. These story things have been really instrumental in chipping away at the stigma of being an idiot. If you're a man who has an emotion or if you're a man who is a man, um, so. Well, on that score, Paul, we, when we set out to write a book on men's mental health and men told us, if you're going to do that, we want real man, real stories and how they're really coping. Sort of a Chicken Soup for the Soul Style anthology. And so we figured we'd be lucky to get 12 guys to come out and discuss what their struggles were and how they were coping. Because, you know, because we're figuring, you know what, man, you're going to do this. Well, we ended up with 64 men. Wow. And a book became four books. So here's the thing about men and it's in the foreword to the first book is that it's hard to get a guy to go into therapy. Yeah, you probably have to back him into a corner. Look, honey, I love you, but I'm not going to put me and the kids through this. If you don't get help, we're out of here, he said. Once a man buys in, he's. He's all in. Yeah. And he's more than willing to help other men. It's comfortable in a warrior's code and and so that's, you know, these guys all came forward and they get some really serious, you know, drug and alcohol addiction, gambling addiction, whatever. And we were amazed. But I think that's a sign that times may be a change. And yeah, I and it's we're, you know, we're people like you and I because I talk about this just individually, not so much, you know, publicly, because I really I have an audience, but it's not a large audience. Like, you know, someone like yourself may have maybe one of these days it will be large enough and my voice will be heard more often when it comes to something, when it comes to this subject. But yeah, everyone I talk to, I am always like, be a man, but don't be an asshole. You know? Yeah, but. The two are not inexplicably. Yeah, they're, they're everything to different things. Exactly. And you can be on the left wing or you can be on the right wing and still be a man. You know, it doesn't matter. You can still be a man. And being a man is mostly about doing the right thing, having an even keel and not fucking anybody in the ass with your bullshit opinion. Whenever they're down on their luck. That's how I feel about it. Yeah, I. I would have put it a little more delicate. Not Yeah. That most of my political got. No, I'm. I'm kidding you. Most of my political commentary doesn't involve anal sex. Well You know, that's kind of the thing they do in Washington, you know? I mean, just. Oh, man. Oh, God, yes. No, that's so I mean, I'm just, you know, speaking the truth. Yeah. No, I know. I know. It's it's. It's warm. Everybody adds. So you're get nobody lives through one of my one of my interviews without going oh my God what's wrong with this man? Yeah, well, we establish that early. Yeah, we did. Yeah, we put. That to bed right. Away. But we every you guys have me on. Absolutely. And we look forward to to the success of your of your of your goal of helping people understand that suicide may seem like it's the answer, but in the long run, all you're doing is I mean, you're doing everything it's actually everything wrong, unfortunately. Well, here's the deal. Let's leave on a high note. Yeah, eight out of ten people are suicidal or are ambivalent. They cannot make up their mind. 910 give hints in the last week. So that means your audience and I love and when I speak, I like to make the audience a hero. You can make a difference. You can save a life, and you could do it by doing something as simple as falling on Andrew doing right here. And that is starting a conversation. Yeah. And give us those numbers one more time. The ones you can text. A text to 741741, the word help or connect. And then the new brand new three digit suicide prevention lifeline phone number nine, eight, eight. Right. And if and if they're really desperate, they can call you, right? That's correct yeah. And it happens. People call, people text. Yeah. I'll leave you with I'll leave you with the funny. Okay. A kid called me one time and he goes, I believe this is your real cell number. I go, Dude, how bad with the karma? B If I said, If you're having a bad day, call me and I gave you a fake number. Yeah. And I said, I'll, I'll make it worse. Oh please. And I said, I'll even go one step farther since I'm a comic, they all know music is another one bites the. Gun another one can, huh? Well, if it's any consolation, sometimes we do CPR. Stayin Alive is what we think in our head, so we could get the right tempo. And it had another level. Oh, by the way, in our song Do It, Nurse. And here's here's how I feel about nurses, because I've had two aortic valve replacements, double bypass, heart attack, three stents. Wow. So sounds like my dad. Yes. Awesome. It is. All of it's all familial. It's I got a bad valve for my dad, bad cholesterol for my mom. Of course I got a sense of humor from both of them. So it balances out. But I wish. That was true about me. My flaws. Yeah. I don't I don't see your name and balance in the same sentence anyway, right? Yeah. I'm a. Red Bull. In a China. Andrea and Mommy. Yes, Andrew. My philosophy of health care as a patient is to be everybody's favorite patient. And here's why I believe that. Because, you know, your professional, you do you do a good job for anybody who comes to the door. However, if you and I make a connection emotionally, if you like me and I'm not going to let her guide me exactly. Not on my fucking watch, you son of a bitch. You might push a little harder, breaking another rib. Bring me back. There are some things I've said, like not today, not on my watch. Oh, hell no. Not on my. Watch. No. Hail, hail. No. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. So that's that's my feeling about it, because nurses and doctors come in, they change your medication, their 90 seconds are gone, the nurses are around clock. Yeah. So yeah, a lot of them follow the nurses, make them laugh, you know, because it's a tough job and, and I've made a really number I've been protesting one time and I thought everybody knew as a comedian and I won't be on vacation. She comes back and it was time for the shift change.

11: 1:26:52

00 And I had to angiograms incision in my thigh where they put in, you know the the probe. Yeah. And so the first thing they always ask is shift change is they want to take a look at the incision. I think if she knows who I am, she comes to the door, she goes, Ms.. King, I need to look at your groin. I go, What is it with you women? I remind you that there was a strike. Look at my groin. I feel like I feel like one of the strippers in that movie, Magic Mike. I said, okay, honey, you can take a look at it, but you better have a dollar bill. Oh, my God. She goes back. Yeah, she does a good job, very professional. But she goes back on the nurses station because they told me the next morning and she goes, okay, I give up. Who's the pervert? And 23. He had no idea I was a comedian. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's funny. See, I would have done that. Not a comedian. I probably would have laughed, you know? But I don't make. Enough money to give you dollar bills. Let me look at your groin. I want to look. Okay. You could do that. Oh, well, it's so nice. Nurses are so nice to meet you and talk with you. And I think it's wonderful what you're doing, and it's definitely opened up my mind on the men's side of this issue that I really didn't know a whole lot about. So now, so thank you very much for giving me your perspective. I appreciate it. Well, and you know what? And if you go to my website, the middle of comedian, the mental health comedian, I narrate, I'm narrating all the books, the men's mental health books, but I've already finished the first one. And if you put an email address in on my website, you can download the M.P. three abridged audio book. I narrate it for free. Oh, okay. So yep. Always free stuff's always good. Oh, yes, yeah. Free stuff is always good. Yeah. I had a ball narrating it and it's all right. It's I got a good audio editor when I, when I, when I heard what he could do with my voice, I heard the first chapter. I go, fuck, I'm good the ball you know he's take it out the lip smacks in the pops and the breasts and he's, you know, he's equal, you know? Yeah, yeah. I don't do that. Great job. I, I literally there's one place where we're going to cut here because we had a little technical glitch. I generally I've just kind of sworn that we're just going to post the conversation. I'm not going to cut it out, you know, unless. Yeah. And unless there's a really valid reason like it glitches and all you hear as well. I'm not going to post that, but I just post it because how else, you know, it's it's about being honest and true. And raw content. Yeah. Spain ourselves. Yeah. Being ourselves because I'm weird. Yeah. Yeah. Well, why belabor the obvious? The. Yeah. I'm going to. Start taking that personally in a minute. Yeah. Oh I feel your pain. Yeah. No I'm, I'm with you. Unless this is like deadly boring. I'll cut that out, but otherwise let it run. You know, here's the thing. One man's trash is another man's treasure. So who the hell knows what people are listening to, whether they like it or not and screw it? I mean, Friday nothing, man. Let's just put it out there. You're trying to make a difference. That's the whole purpose of this podcast is we're trying to raise awareness on different issues. And this one was something that's been very, very important to him and. It's very important to me because people I, I hate it when people think that the end of the world is nigh. And I'm like, now the sun will come up for another 400 billion years and the earth isn't going to crack open for another 200 years, at minimum, maybe 2000 years. So why don't I have a good time? Why you're here, man. Well, and you know the podcast, somebody may be tuned in today. Who? We may save a life just by the information we gave out. I agree with that. And my goal is to save a life a day. So if we did that today and that's a good day to work. And I always you know, I my entire life, that's what I do. I talk to strangers. If I see somebody who's sad and I do and I do this and I've done this and consciously done it, and it's part of the reason why I am the way I am. If I saw somebody that was sad or look sad or gave me that microexpression of, I just want to die, um, I engaged with them and did my damnedest to make them start smiling. At least, at least a flash of a smile in a micron spread expression. And that's that was my goal, because you'd never know when that little interaction helps. That other person not feel like a total piece of shit when they go home. Well, and if, if you listed a for you, if you look up the story of Kevin Hines, he jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he said he was he was hearing voices and total recall himself and he thought, well, I'm in the Bay Area, I kill yourself in the Bay Area. And so he went on and of course, there's a website, How to Kill Yourself in the Bay Area. And they said bridges. And so he got on a bus and he said to himself, look, if anybody on the bus asks me how I'm doing, I'm going to spill my guts. Sam Suicidal. Please call the police. I need to be taken into custody. Nobody. Yeah. So he goes on the bridge. He says someone on the bridge stops me and realizes I'm struggling and says, Is something wrong? I'll same thing. I'll have him call the police and take me in and I'm about to hurt myself. So he sent looking over the side of the bridge. Somebody tapped him on the shoulder. He's thinking, Oh, thank God, and it was a terrorist. And they said, Would you take our picture? Oh, oh, gosh. And he goes, Sure. So he takes their picture. No sooner had they turned away, then he jumps over. Like most people. Yeah, like most people, I guess. Pretty much everybody who jumps, who survives. As soon as you let go of the you thought, oh, this is not a good idea. Yeah, that's usually where it goes. Yeah. So he hits the water, it hurt his back, but he survives. He goes down, he comes back up, he's treading water and he feels something large, an aquatic bump his leg and he thinks to himself a shark website didn't say anything about fucking sharks. I survived the drop off the Golden Gate Bridge. I'm going to eat. My sharks there. Well, it was it. Was a sea lion zilla. And they probably have someone. To say. If somebody. Anybody. Yeah. Oh, yeah. They if anybody in their entire journey. No. Read them and said hey man, you okay. Yeah. That would have been all it took. Just that simple question. That's exactly why I do it, you know? Yeah. See, you're you're wired that way. But, you know, I've lived in California. That I lived in for a while. So. Hi. I lived in a Hudson. You know the freedom? Yeah. You know, the the freak factor in L.A. is so high that people really don't want to make eye contact. They're afraid if they open the conversation. You never know who's going to go ask the next. That's great. I was there in the nineties right after Rodney King, and I was like, Wow, this person's crazy. The guy I'm standing out in front, I was collecting signatures in front of a Kroger, I think it is, for they're trying to put weed on the ballot. This is in the 99, like 92, 93. And I'm collecting the signatures. This dude runs out of the Kroger or IGA, where the hell it was? I mean, I was young man. I could barely bury old enough to drink. He runs out yelling at you a bunch of racist, this man and the other. And I'm like, okay, interesting. And he goes across the street and sets a mechanic shop on fire that had nothing to do with whatever was going on inside of Kroger. And I'm like. What the. Hell is going on, man? It turns out they wouldn't sell him beer because he didn't have his driver's license. Oh. So you go set a mechanic shop on fire. Across the street. There's nothing to do with anything. That way you could just go to jail and still not get beer. Yeah. Well, you probably get more beer in the L.A. County jail than you can outside. Well, here, here's a I started to sort of tag that about paying attention because that's what comedians just get paid to pay attention. Yes, we do observe things. Yeah, people are fine. So. That's right. Yes, I'm a I'm in the San Francisco station. It's on my way. I'm driving up to Portland to the airport. So I'm I get a cup of coffee. So it's like three in the morning. I got I'm making cup of coffee. This guy comes in and he and he says, I'm by just getting out of jail and trying to buy Cigarets. And in Oregon, you can't buy Cigarets unless you can prove you're over 18. And and so he's he's now he's mad because he can't buy the cigaret. Right. And, and he screams at the clerk you got to some of the cigarets. I know the law. I'm thinking you just got you just got out of prison. You don't know that. Well. Exactly. And then he decides he's not going to get the cigarets. It goes the door opens it. He yells at the clerk, This is that empathy thing. Yeah. You know, I'm I'm in pain because the clerk is in pain. And so he yells at the clerk, I'm never fucking coming in here again. It walks out the door and slams it. So I lock eyes with the clerk and I go, Do you think you get that in writing exactly. You know what I'm saying? What's happening? There is a promise to keep that promise. Yes, please. And here's here's the power of empathy. When I said that the clerk knows that I know how they're feeling, I took note of it and I wanted to help ease their pain. That's the power of empathy. And if it works for me. Yeah. As human being amazing whatever I'm. Yeah, go ahead. If I'm in line the at the counter at checkout to rent a car and the guy in front of me scream at the clerk and I've gotten more upgrades this way the screen screams green screen for free. And then he stops off. So I walk up and they say, what, driver's license? Credit card, you know. Do you have a reservation? Yes. And I wait a couple of seconds. I go. Listen, I just have one question. At what point during this transaction am I to yell at you and they just light up and I get the upgrade? Because that is an empathetic statement. Yeah, I just saw what happened. I took note of it. I know it was wrong. Yeah. Let's just share a little funny, you know, funny moment. Yeah. And that's, you know, that's kind of the key to life, too. It really is. If you if you're somebody who's in pain, like most comedians and most creatives, we actually are in emotional pain lot. We just live with it and go on. Try to have the best thing we can do. Um, you know, we know these things and that's why we're goofy and that's where we have a good time, and that's why we don't really care, because it doesn't matter. Man So again, if you're having issues, if you think you need to talk to somebody, please reach, out to anyone and make sure that you're safe. And remember, tomorrow's another day, which will be a happy day guaranteed. Well, and another one. And remember this, Chad. You may feel like the world would be better off without you, but chances are no that is not okay. So exactly opposite. Unless, of course, you're Hitler or Stalin, then. Okay, we could see that. Oh, gosh. Oh, yeah. I mean, it's like. Yeah. It's like I talk it's like I talk to Gallant and usually it comes out by stepping in front of a train. I said, like, don't. I'm not going to say that. Okay, so I'm going to not do it that way. Yeah because if you step on the tracks, you know, like eyes of an engineer, you're going to kill yourself and ruin their life. Yeah. Now, by the same token, if you if you want to take someone with you, for God's sake, strap on the explosive vest, find some raging asshole, wrap your arms around it and hit the button. And do the right. Remember, there's a difference between ass and asshole. Asshole. Yeah, exactly. Because I'm just an ass. I'm not actually an asshole. Please don't push the button. Yeah. All right, man. I really do appreciate it. And I guess next time I'm working on our next guest for our next podcast and I'm thinking hopefully we'll get somebody you're really cool that talks about, oh, I don't know, maybe some poltergeist. Or something similar. Creston Hotel, Eureka Springs. I've got to get a hold of that dude and get him on here. He'll do it. He just doesn't want to speak for the crescent, which is fine, but he can just tell me his general stories. Oh, I've had experience there, so I can talk about that. Sorry. So anyway, I appreciate you guys. Guys. And thank you, Frank, very much. Yes, thank you. And you guys know, September is there's a week in September that is national I'm sorry, International Suicide Prevention Week and September 16th is International Suicide Prevention Day. Nice. So I'm not sure when this will air. But, you know, I have had a lot of. Oh, good, perfect. And September 1st to September. That's super sweet. Perfect, perfect. Yeah. And we appreciate it. And if you need anything else or you want to have us on something to talk about whatever, and you want to, just, like, make the audience completely appalled. I'm at your service. Yes. You know, counseling. All right. Thank you, guys. And we'll talk to you again. This, uh, my name's Paul. And you are? Andrea. Andrea? Yes. And maybe we should have Stephanie on talking about witchcraft again. Okay. I don't know. I try to get Donald to do it, but his. I get some questions for her. Yeah. Look up, look up. Karen, Ron Koski, Karen, Ron Tarkovsky. All right. Our 22 year skier, she's a comic, but she's big into the supernatural. Ghosts show. Show for a while on the supernatural. Nice. So nice. Nice. And she's very funny. Absolutely. Well, and we'll talk to you again. And if you have any questions or you want to know anything, email me at Paul G. Paul G. Newton dot com. That's Paul G and Paul G. Newton dot com. Or you can, you can call our guest and he'll let me know now that. What was a timer? No, no, no, no, no. Yeah, we'll do that. No, do that. You just email me, send me a message through Facebook or, you know, whatever. Facebook, as I like to call it. And well, if you have a topic that you want to know about, let us know. And we will definitely get on top of that because I want to know stuff and I want to know what you want to know to see if I want to know what you want to know and if I want to know what you want to know that I want to know. Right? Something like that. Okay. Yeah, right. Yeah. Diagram. That's all right. Thank you guys for listening. Bye bye. Bye. And.